Easier said than written...
Author: Leah Parisotto
I woke up early today, feeling an immense sense of gratitude, and feeling ready to meet my day with drive and passion. It's a self-development day, and I have heaps I can do to work on myself.
Being new to the field of Regenerative Development, my journey has been anything but linear. Initially, I was energized and excited - seeing this new role and new opportunities through rose-colored glasses, and feeling like I finally found my tribe and that we could do anything we set our minds to. While I still feel I found my tribe, and am filled with immense love and appreciation for my core team and those who have supported me in finding my way, I have been noticing a tension within that keeps trying to break through.
It came to a head this morning, as I sat down to work through the first intermezzo in Carol Sanford's book 'Indirect Work'. She asks us to write our 5 core beliefs for a better world and to discuss how we put these beliefs into practice. Initially, when Tyler brought this up as a great place to start, I was excited. I wanted to dive in and see what my beliefs are, because I've never given it much thought.
Well, fast forward an hour and a half, and I'm stumped and pissed off.
It's interesting because I joined this work to make a difference in the world, and because in my heart I know it's the answer. I also felt/feel extremely drawn to it and have never in my life felt that way about anything before. But I hadn't realized, until being forced to reflect on it, that my beliefs about the world have been pretty grim, and that I had pretty much lost faith in the world and society and our ability to change.
In discussing some tensions from my prior week with the team in yesterday's meetings, the idea of 'Trust breeds more trust' came up, and funnily enough, I saw the same quote in another article I read this morning.
Ok so, 'Trust brings more trust', but what about all of the patterns in life that have actually proven that 'trust brings hurt and sadness'?
I thought I was only talking about my ability to trust other humans, but I realized through my reflections, that this directly extends to trust in myself, and trust in our collective ability to change the world for the better.
A major battle within myself is ensuing, as I understand that if everyone felt this way, nothing would change. I also realize that in order to change, one needs to change their beliefs. I also realize that through my personal work in changing myself, I have been able to change some of my beliefs, but sometimes it feels impossible. I can think the world can change all I want, but if I don't inherently believe it, then what?
I feel shame and fear in writing this as I feel it will reflect negatively on how others see me in this work. I fear it will make others question why I'm even in this work. But I think that's part of the journey. I want to learn, I want to grow, I want to change my beliefs and immerse myself in this work wholeheartedly and with passion.
My whole life until these last few months, I have given up when things were too difficult, or I have numbed myself when feeling too strongly, and I refuse to continue to live life that way. I'm here to challenge my beliefs, learn and grow and ultimately fight for a better world.
So what were my beliefs that came to me? Beware, they are pretty shit:
- Society will never change - always has been and always will be extractive.
- We can't fight against those in power, things will never change.
- You can't trust anyone - everyone is only out for themselves.
- Climate change is too far gone.
- What impact can I really have on this world?
Yeah - gross.
I clearly have some more work to do to understand why these beliefs have held true for so long. I know they are the opposite of the mindset needed for this work, so I'm choosing to shift my perspective and create new beliefs, based on those powerful moments in the field where I saw glimpses of a better future:
The beliefs I am working toward wholeheartedly embracing (with an understanding that they will change and develop further through my personal and professional growth):
- We are all interconnected, and humans and nature are one.
- Community and collaboration are needed for lasting change.
- Consciousness is required for changing and creating a better world.
- Justice is possible, and we can create a world where everyone is equal and their essence is held.
- Regeneration over extraction is how we should approach everything.
For some reason, I can't even grammatically write these - that's how foreign they feel. And while it's not like I don't believe these at all, I think they are just being constantly questioned by the little devil on my shoulder who is trying to remind me of the super negative old beliefs. Is that to save me from feeling let down? To stop me from trying?
I don't know, but I'm going to continue to challenge how I see things and to shift my beliefs and question why.
This process has been messy, uncomfortable, and surprisingly emotional. But it's also been incredibly illuminating. Facing my deeply ingrained negativity isn't easy, but I know it's essential if I truly want to contribute to a better world. I'm choosing to embrace the discomfort, to lean into the questions, and to cultivate the new beliefs that feel aligned with my heart, even if they feel shaky at times. This is my commitment to myself, to my work, and to the future I believe is possible.
